People don't like to work. Most folks would rather do just about
anything they can think of rather than work, which is why grand-prize
winners do just about anything they can think of except work.
Try as you might, you might not win a grand prize. No fair, but I suppose that's life. So what do you do then? With no winning ticket in your hands, what can a poor boy (or girl) do to avoid working?
You can blow that job interview. (You can do it - that's the spirit!)
Let this be your guide to all the most effective strategies to blow any job interview that threatens to put you in the shackles of some boring old nine-to-five routine.
Just for the record, you can easily avoid a job interview in the first place by simply doing your resume yourself (DIY projects are always so much more "rustic") instead of hiring a professional resume writer, and then you could spill something combustible all over the pages.
But let’s suppose you are up for a challenge. Or you fail to mess up your resume (it could happen). Or the company is really, really, really desperate … and calls you in for an interview anyway.
Here is what you do:
First thing when you walk in and ask about money. That’s it, cut to the chase. What’s in it for you? Just ask them to “Show me the money”. Make it painfully obvious that you don’t give a hoot about the company, just about your own financial gain.
If you find that you are somehow still in the interview room (and even the interviewer is, too), you will have to resort to some of the following five advanced tactics.
Be as arrogant as possible. Everybody loves to leave their footprints on the bottoms of rude know-it-alls. Be sure to explain in every answer to every question exactly how much you know and how pitifully little the ignorant interviewer knows. Bonus. This will not only substitute for a grand-prize ticket, but it will also work wonders on your self-esteem. Yes, you – mighty, valuable you!
Take your time to answer each question. And that also means taking the interviewer’s time. Not only does this help demonstrate exactly how valuable you think the interviewer’s time is, but it also puts you in the best light possible. Specifically, if you take long enough to formulate an answer, it will be obvious that you do not have a clue about the topic. If you have trouble concentrating on nothing, think about preparing your favorite sandwich, and then eating it bite by bite. Stall for time some more by asking “What was the question, again?”
Warning. Trying to pull supreme arrogance and supreme cluelessness on the same answer could pose a severe threat to world peace and the stability of the planet's molecular structure, and should be practiced only by trained professionals.
If the irritating interviewer presses you to eventually answer the question, there is only one thing left to do. Dance. You can do this literally, which will at least relieve stress in your body and is considered to be good for physical fitness. Or you can do this figuratively by dancing around the question. “My name? Let’s see… which one? I have a first name and a last name. And I have a middle name. Do you want to know all of them or just one? A lot of animals have names, too, but I don’t know all of them. Really like the colorful little frogs at the zoo, though. They are tropical I think. I would not want to live in the rainforest, though. Way too much humidity. What was the question?”
Feel free to oversell your capabilities. Make sure to brag about how well you sold air conditioning to in Alaska and heating oil in Costa Rica. And don’t forget to stress how few minutes it usually takes you to climb Mount Everest and how small the oceans seem to have become for doing laps.
If you are starting to feel sorry for the interviewer, you can save him or her from having to work too hard. Full sentences are tough, so break in as frequently as possible. After all, everybody loves someone who offers to lend a hand without waiting to be asked. For example, if he starts to ask you, “What would you consider to be your…”, you can help out be breaking in with “Definitely a salad. It is important to eat a healthy meal at lunch time. Don’t you agree?” Not only is this a kindly thing to do for an overworked interviewer, but it is also an exciting game to play.
Just follow these tips if you can’t secure a winning ticket to get you out of working. You might also find it educational – think about the colorful words you will be able to add to your vocabulary.
Try as you might, you might not win a grand prize. No fair, but I suppose that's life. So what do you do then? With no winning ticket in your hands, what can a poor boy (or girl) do to avoid working?
You can blow that job interview. (You can do it - that's the spirit!)
Let this be your guide to all the most effective strategies to blow any job interview that threatens to put you in the shackles of some boring old nine-to-five routine.
Just for the record, you can easily avoid a job interview in the first place by simply doing your resume yourself (DIY projects are always so much more "rustic") instead of hiring a professional resume writer, and then you could spill something combustible all over the pages.
But let’s suppose you are up for a challenge. Or you fail to mess up your resume (it could happen). Or the company is really, really, really desperate … and calls you in for an interview anyway.
Here is what you do:
First thing when you walk in and ask about money. That’s it, cut to the chase. What’s in it for you? Just ask them to “Show me the money”. Make it painfully obvious that you don’t give a hoot about the company, just about your own financial gain.
If you find that you are somehow still in the interview room (and even the interviewer is, too), you will have to resort to some of the following five advanced tactics.
Be as arrogant as possible. Everybody loves to leave their footprints on the bottoms of rude know-it-alls. Be sure to explain in every answer to every question exactly how much you know and how pitifully little the ignorant interviewer knows. Bonus. This will not only substitute for a grand-prize ticket, but it will also work wonders on your self-esteem. Yes, you – mighty, valuable you!
Take your time to answer each question. And that also means taking the interviewer’s time. Not only does this help demonstrate exactly how valuable you think the interviewer’s time is, but it also puts you in the best light possible. Specifically, if you take long enough to formulate an answer, it will be obvious that you do not have a clue about the topic. If you have trouble concentrating on nothing, think about preparing your favorite sandwich, and then eating it bite by bite. Stall for time some more by asking “What was the question, again?”
Warning. Trying to pull supreme arrogance and supreme cluelessness on the same answer could pose a severe threat to world peace and the stability of the planet's molecular structure, and should be practiced only by trained professionals.
If the irritating interviewer presses you to eventually answer the question, there is only one thing left to do. Dance. You can do this literally, which will at least relieve stress in your body and is considered to be good for physical fitness. Or you can do this figuratively by dancing around the question. “My name? Let’s see… which one? I have a first name and a last name. And I have a middle name. Do you want to know all of them or just one? A lot of animals have names, too, but I don’t know all of them. Really like the colorful little frogs at the zoo, though. They are tropical I think. I would not want to live in the rainforest, though. Way too much humidity. What was the question?”
Feel free to oversell your capabilities. Make sure to brag about how well you sold air conditioning to in Alaska and heating oil in Costa Rica. And don’t forget to stress how few minutes it usually takes you to climb Mount Everest and how small the oceans seem to have become for doing laps.
If you are starting to feel sorry for the interviewer, you can save him or her from having to work too hard. Full sentences are tough, so break in as frequently as possible. After all, everybody loves someone who offers to lend a hand without waiting to be asked. For example, if he starts to ask you, “What would you consider to be your…”, you can help out be breaking in with “Definitely a salad. It is important to eat a healthy meal at lunch time. Don’t you agree?” Not only is this a kindly thing to do for an overworked interviewer, but it is also an exciting game to play.
Just follow these tips if you can’t secure a winning ticket to get you out of working. You might also find it educational – think about the colorful words you will be able to add to your vocabulary.
No comments:
Post a Comment